


Tumblr ficlets

by LightsUpInTheNorth



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, unhealthy coping mechanisms (chapter 2)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24288247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightsUpInTheNorth/pseuds/LightsUpInTheNorth
Summary: Mostly fluffy ficlets (with some angst thrown in once in a while, but always with a hopeful ending ;)).
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this for the prompt "He said the most romantic things. And they were all lies", from the tumblr blog daily-prompts.

If you had told Steve he’d end up being Billy’s roommate when the guy first arrived in Hawkins, Steve would have laughed disbelievingly (or cringed, probably). 

However, the college rooming board had seen two guys coming from the same small town in Indiana and whose last names started with the same three letters and had just rolled with it. So here they were. It had been hell at first, but then it had gotten mostly fine. They had started tolerating each other’s presence. Then they had started hanging out together: they watched tv in the evening, went bar hopping together during the weekend, got high in Steve’s room on more than one occasion. 

One day, Billy had found Steve slumped on the floor with sheets of paper strewn all around him. He had been struggling with one of his assigned readings for hours and had been ready to call it quits. 

“what’s up Pretty boy?” 

“I’m fucking stupid, is what’s up.” Steve had mumbled self-deprecatingly. 

“Hey, don’t say shit like that. What’s giving you trouble?” 

“I can’t fucking read this thing. How am I supposed to go through college when I can’t even fucking read.” 

Steve hid his face in his hands. 

“Do you want me to read for you?” 

Steve looked up with wide eyes. 

“You’d do that?” 

“I offered, didn’t I?” Billy grumbled. 

“Okay. Yes. That would be great, thank you.” Steve replied, sensing Billy was already regretting his offer and might take it back. 

So, Billy had read to him, and after that had started doing it regularly. Every time the words danced in front of Steve’s eyes and threatened to give him a headache, he’d just go to Billy and ask him to read, “pretty please”, and Billy would accept with minimal complaining. 

He almost always appeared reluctant to do things with Steve, though, even now that they had gotten a lot closer. Steve was not getting it. Why was Billy hanging out with him so often if it was such a pain in the ass to him? He was only like that with Steve, too. He was charming, even overly so, with about everyone. But not with Steve. God forbid he ever said something nice to him, except to mock him with his “pretty boy” here, and “princess” there. 

Billy was always flirting in Steve’s presence. At the bar, at the movie theatre, at the fucking grocery store. He flirted with every cute girl they crossed paths with. And it wasn’t always simple, meaningless flirting, with lame pick-up lames or half-hearted compliments. No. Sometimes, he said the most romantic things. 

And Steve was jealous, alright? Because he knew that Billy would never talk to him like that, would never use that soft voice with him, would never tell him he had the most beautiful eyes, or the sweetest laugh. He’d just call him “pretty boy”, “princess”, or worse “King Steve” just to get a rise out of him, or snap at him to stop staring with his “dumb Bambi eyes”, as if having Steve look at him freaked Billy out. 

And the worst thing was that, a part of Steve liked being called these dumb nicknames, and getting shit from Billy, because at least he had something. At least Billy was there with him. 

There was something Steve found out later on, though: the way Billy flirted with so many girls… It was all bullshit. He said the most romantic things. And they were all lies. 

And, really, Steve should have seen it a lot sooner. Yes, Billy flirted all the time. But had he brought any girl home, or even asked for their number? No. He never went further than flirting, even if he could very easily have had a lot more. 

He had firstly thought that Billy didn’t feel comfortable bringing girls to the flat when Steve was there. But when had Billy ever foregone a chance to show off before? Also, he could have just gone to the girls’ place, which he never did either. 

He confronted Billy about it one evening, when they were absently watching a movie. 

“Why don’t you ever bring girls here?”

“What the hell, Harrington?” Billy sat up from where he was sprawled on the couch, turning to Steve with a disbelieving look on his face. 

“It’s just that… I don’t understand. You’re always flirting, and I mean… most of the girls flirt right back… so why don’t you, you know, date any of them, or anything?”

“Are you for real?” 

“I… uh… sorry. I was just wondering. You don’t have to answer.” 

“Look Harrington… the flirting… it’s all for show. I’m not attracted to girls. I thought you knew.” 

Steve was speechless for a long moment. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, probably resembling a fish out of water (which was fitting, since it was also how he felt). 

“Would you just say something?” Billy sounded angry, but Steve knew him well enough to tell he was mostly scared (but not well enough to tell he didn’t like girls, apparently). 

And damn, Steve, fucking say something before Billy freaks out on you. 

“I… uh… well, okay. Thank you for telling me. I… I really didn’t know. You never said… so.” Well, that was a train wreck but at least he had said something. 

“I thought it was obvious enough.” 

“Not to me, apparently… I’m dumb, remember?” 

“Steve, would you please stop talking shit about yourself?” Billy often told Steve to be less hard on himself, which just didn’t make sense considering he was always on Steve’s ass. 

“It sounds rich coming from you. You always tell me to stop staring at you with my ‘dumb Bambi eyes’.”

Billy groaned. “I don’t mean it like that, Pretty boy.” 

Steve frowned. Either he really was stupid or what Billy had just said made no sense. 

“How can it mean anything else?” 

“Your eyes don’t look dumb. The way they make me feel is what’s dumb.” Billy said in a strained voice, as if it cost him a lot to admit it. 

“The way they make you feel?” Steve blinked. What the hell was happening right now?

“Yeah… they make me feel… a lot. You know like… emotions. Like, they make my heart do funny stuff, and my palms get all sweaty. Feelings are dumb.” Billy grumbled. 

“You have feelings… for me?” 

Billy blushed, which was absolutely adorable. He also rolled his eyes, but he was still adorable. 

“Ugh, yes. Do keep up, princess.” 

Steve kept silent, too occupied with staring at Billy and wondering if he was dreaming (if he was, he didn’t want to ever wake up). 

“It doesn’t have to make things weird, or anything. I dealt with it fine, until now. You can ignore I said anything.” 

“Uh, uh. No way I’m ignoring it!” 

Billy looked panicked then, and it made Steve realize how his rebuttal might have sounded to him. 

Steve had no time to come up with something to say. He didn’t want to risk Billy freaking out and leaving. So he just cupped Billy’s face and planted one on him. 

“What the fuck?” Billy whispered, in awe, after Steve’s lips left his. 

“Turns out I have feelings for you, too. I’ve had them for a long time.” 

“Oh… you never said.” Billy said softly. 

“I thought it was obvious enough” Steve smiled. 

After that, he liked Billy’s nicknames and his mocking even more than he used to. Because he knew now, that this was how Billy told Steve he mattered to him. The flirting and romantic words he used on girls, they were just for show. They were all lies. Billy’s grumbling and reluctant affection were real, though. They were love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tag "unhealthy coping mechanisms" is for this chapter so be careful if you think it might trigger you.

Billy is running. He is always running, these days. Running away from his problems, his feelings, his guilt. The farther he runs, the lighter he feels. If it were possible, he would never stop. Unfortunately, his body can only get him so far. So Billy runs until his muscles are screaming at him to stop, until he runs out of breath, until he can’t anymore. 

He always goes to the woods, so that no one will see him sink to his knees, on the verge of throwing up, when his legs give out. One morning, he leaves the place he shares with Steve without eating breakfast, and he faints on the cold wet ground of the forest. He wakes up with dead leaves in his sweaty hair, and no idea if his moment of absence has lasted seconds or hours. 

Sometimes, the running and the skipped meals are not enough to lighten the burden of guilt resting on his shoulders. Not enough to numb his feelings. Sometimes, he needs it all crushed and destroyed. So, he goes to the nearest dingy bar, late at night, and searches for a man – a strong and drunk and mean one – and says or does the wrong thing. Just so he can feel right. Just so his face gets beaten in, until Billy is crushed and destroyed. Until the physical pain mutes the things that yell inside him. Then, Billy will punch a wall to make his knuckles bleed. That way, Steve will think he has gotten into a fight again. That way, he won’t know Billy never hits back anymore. The added pain in his right hand is a bonus. 

Billy has not cared about his own well-being in a long time… since before his mother left, probably. Before being possessed and made to kill, he was reckless. He smoked and drank too much, drove too fast, got into fights, needled his father despite knowing it would carve new scars into his skin. After being possessed, he still doesn’t care for his well-being. He is already not well, anyway, and he doubts he will ever be again. Instead of being reckless as he used to be, however, Billy starts being a glutton for punishment. Being reckless is not an option anymore. It involves the risk of hurting other people, and Billy has hurt too many already. Now, he just wants to hurt himself. 

That’s one of the reasons why he tries so hard to resist Steve, despite having wanted him since he first laid eyes on him. Resisting is hard, though, and Billy is weak. Too weak. And greedy, too. He knows he doesn’t deserve Steve, that Steve deserves better than him, but Billy wants him. He wants him so much he is nearly choking on it. On the want. And, as soon as it becomes clear Billy isn’t the only one who wants, it’s the beginning of the end. 

Billy still tries to resist, then, but deep down he knows. He knows he’s already lost. 

When Steve tries to kiss him, slowly leaning toward him, Billy turns his head right before their lips touch. It is painful. But not in the right way. It is painful because of the choking want, but mainly because of the hurt in Steve’s eyes. That is not the right kind of pain, the one that alleviates his guilt. No. That one only makes the guilt heavier. 

Every time he sees Steve after the rejected kiss, he sees the sadness in his eyes, and the longing too. He recognizes those, because he sees them every time he looks in a mirror.

Maybe, if he had kept resisting, Steve would have gotten over him and realized he was better off without him. Sadly, Billy does not resist long enough to put that hypothesis to the test. 

They are sitting on their couch, (barely) watching TV, when Billy reaches breaking point. 

“Steve?” he whispers.

“Yeah?” Steve turns toward him. 

Billy doesn’t reply. He just kisses him. It feels like salvation and damnation rolled into one. Because the kiss… it brings air to Billy’s lungs and makes his heart soar. It is a rebirth. But the guilt punches him in the gut as soon as his lips leave Steve’s. He has caved, and now he will taint Steve with his problems, with his flaws.

After that, the sword of Damocles hangs over Billy constantly. Either he runs away (without coming back, this time), and he hurts Steve, or he stays and takes the risk of hurting him even worse in the long run. He can’t come up with a scenario in which he doesn’t end up hurting Steve, one way or another. He has nightmares about it.

And the nightmares come true, in no time at all. 

With their relationship comes a level of intimacy, of physical intimacy, that they didn’t have before. So, Steve can only realize that Billy has dropped a lot of weight since high school. Billy tries to reassure him, serving him a half-truth about how he has not yet fully recovered from his extended stay at the hospital. 

It doesn’t reassure Steve, though. He starts paying even more attention to Billy, not letting him skip meals anymore. Billy starts running even harder, to compensate. And that worries Steve, too. 

But the fights… The fights are something else entirely. 

Steve gets livid over them, at first. He asks Billy what the hell is wrong with him. Billy wants to answer “everything”, and says “nothing” instead. 

Then, Steve just gets sad, which is worse. A lot worse. 

He patches Billy up, staring at him with imploring eyes, until Billy has to look away, lest one of them start crying. 

One day, Billy comes home in a particularly bad state, and it all comes to a head. 

“Billy… I know what you’re doing.” 

“I’m not doing anything.” 

“I’m not blind! You keep hurting yourself, and I’m right here, I see it all too well.” 

Billy keeps silent. He has nothing to say to make it better. He only ever makes things worse. 

“You can’t keep doing that Billy. I won’t let you. I can’t stand it.” 

“I… Steve… I need it. I… I can’t deal otherwise, I…”

“I know, Billy… I know… But we’ll have to figure out another way for you to. I can’t go on like this. When you hurt yourself, you hurt me too. I know you don’t mean to, but you do. You and I, we’re a package deal now.” 

That is all Billy’s fault. He was too weak to stay away when he still could, and now Steve is stuck with him. Now Billy can’t ever leave him. But he isn’t sure he can stop hurting him either. 

“I’m so sorry Steve, I just… I feel so bad.” 

A sob makes its way past Billy’s throat, and then he is crying his heart out. He is crying for all the times he hasn’t cried since his mother left. For all the times he has chosen to chase danger and pain instead of letting his emotions overwhelm him. 

Steve gathers him into his arms, mindful of the injuries Billy has all but inflicted on himself by provoking the wrong man again. 

Billy wants Steve to hold him tighter, so his bruised ribs will ache, but he doesn’t ask him to. He has to try to stop inflicting pain on himself, so he will stop inflicting pain on Steve. He doesn’t know how to do that, yet. But maybe he can learn, for Steve. With Steve.


	3. Chapter 3

Billy cries often, but he barely ever lets anyone see him do it. Neil has ingrained, or at least tried to ingrain in him that real men don’t cry, and therefore never takes kindly to Billy’s tears. Then again, he never takes kindly to anything Billy does. 

Still, Billy has to hide his sorrows so his father won’t add his wrath to them: every time he is sad, or frustrated, or tired, or embarrassed, every time he wants to cry, he gets angry instead. He hides everything behind his anger. And, once whoever he’s gotten angry at has left, frightened by his mask, Billy is free to break down crying, as he first felt the need to. 

It keeps everyone away from him, but everyone includes Neil, and all Billy ever wanted was for Neil to stay away from him. So, it’s worth it. 

At least, that’s what he thinks until he meets Steve. Billy’s anger starts feeling more like a curse than a blessing, then. 

Because, the thing is: the second Billy sees Steve, he wants him. He can’t have him the way he wants him, because the guy is most probably straight and, either way, it would be too risky. Neil’s been on Billy’s ass since he found him kissing a boy in Cali. But Billy would settle for being Steve’s friend. Unfortunately, Steve doesn’t seem interested in even that. 

Billy’s sad, and frustrated, so it translates to him being angry, furious even, until he plummets Steve’s face at the Byers’. Because, in addition to being sad and frustrated, he is afraid, that night. Of his father and what he’ll do to him if he doesn’t bring Max home. 

Billy does apologize, a few days later, but then he doesn’t speak to Steve at all anymore, and Steve doesn’t speak to him. It’s for the best, anyway. Billy would only get angry again if they talked. That’s all he knows how to do. 

It all changes with Starcourt, though. 

After almost dying, Billy can’t feel anything for a while. He lays on his hospital bed without talking, staring into space, for hours at a time. To his surprise, Steve comes to visit him almost every day. Billy doesn’t say anything to him, at first, then he replies to Steve’s rambles with monosyllables, if only to show he’s listening. 

As he gets better, he gets less apathetic. Strangely, it makes him feel like he’s getting worse, for a while. Because he’s feeling sad and frustrated, again. And he’s lashing out, again. Even his near-death experience hasn’t destroyed the walls he’s built around himself, apparently. 

However, Steve won’t have it, this time.

“Why are you so fucking angry all the time? It’s like it’s your default setting. Do you ever feel anything else?” 

It turns out Steve is frustrated and sad, too, and, unlike Billy, he doesn’t hide it. His big brown eyes are full of hurt. Of course, Billy has hurt him again. He always screws everything up. And now, Steve won’t visit him anymore. Why would he? 

“Of course I do.” Billy sighs. 

“Well it’d be nice of you to show it, once in a while.” 

Billy stares at Steve, blinks a few times, tries to comprehend what he just heard. It goes against everything his father has drilled into his head with harsh strikes and harsher words. 

Billy starts crying without even noticing. He’s crying with relief, and it appears relief isn’t an emotion he can hide with anger.

“Oh God, are you okay?” Steve asks, putting his hand on Billy’s shoulder. 

He just nods. 

From then on, Billy stops hiding from Steve. He couldn’t if he tried: Steve always seems to know how he feels, anyway. 

And he never mocks Billy for how easily he cries, and he always comforts him, first with a hand on his shoulder, then with hugs, and then with kisses. With Steve, Billy never has to feel ashamed of his tears, of his feelings, of himself. And he thinks it might be what love is about.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve has had an awful day at work… Scratch that, an awful week. His father, who is also his boss, has been on his ass non-stop. It’s nothing new, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore, and it’s starting to affect his personal life. Steve’s been really stressed out because of it, lately. He’s always thinking about work, now matter how hard he tries to take his mind off it. He’s barely talked to Billy in the last few days, only listening absentmindedly to what he says, and answering with a nod or a shake of his head when he’s asked something. 

Steve was bound to snap, so he’s not even surprised when he does. He’s just disappointed in himself. 

Billy just asks him if he’s seen his sunglasses, because he apparently wants to go for a walk and can’t figure out where he put them, and then Steve is yelling at him that he should be more careful with his stuff, that he’s not a child and shouldn’t need Steve to keep track of where he puts his own belongings. And then he goes to the fridge to fetch a beer and slams the fridge door shut with far too much force. 

He sees Billy flinch from the corner of his eye, and his misplaced anger vanishes instantly, replaced by guilt and self-loathing. How could he get mad at Billy for something so unimportant? He can’t even keep himself in check… He’s no better than his own father, no better than Billy’s… laying into his boyfriend about being more responsible and behaving like an adult, and all of that because of a stupid pair of sunglasses. What’s wrong with him? 

“I’m sorry, Billy. I’m so sorry.” Steve fidgets with the bottle he’s holding. 

“Hey, it’s okay Steve. I know you didn’t mean it.” 

He nearly wishes Billy were mad at him. He deserves it. 

“I’ll be back in a sec.” He says, and Steve watches him leave the room, puzzled. 

One minute passes, and then a second one, and a third one. Steve sits down at the kitchen table and drinks his beer, feeling miserable. 

Then Billy’s back, and he nearly drags Steve to the bathroom. 

It’s quite dark inside, the only light coming from candles. However, Steve can still see the bubble bath. 

“Come on, just hop in.” Billy says, as Steve stares at the bathtub, filled with foamy water and surrounded by scented candles. 

He’s dumbfounded. He can’t believe he’s getting something so nice after being such an inconsiderate bastard. What kind of karma is that?

“Move, pretty boy, the water’s gonna get cold. Do I have to undress you?” 

Steve wouldn’t have minded at all, but Billy has done enough already, so he starts taking his clothes off himself, like a somewhat functional human being. 

Once he’s in the bathtub, he rests his head over the edge of it and closes his eyes. He hears a bottle being uncapped but barely registers it until he smells his favorite shampoo and feels Billy’s hands in his hair. 

He takes his times lathering the shampoo onto every inch of Steve’s hair, giving him a thorough head massage in the meantime. His hands are strong, yet gentle, and Steve’s entire body relaxes under their ministrations. He sighs contentedly. 

“I’m gonna rinse, can you lean forward for me, baby?”

Steve complies and soon warm water is washing over him, and his remaining stress slides off him, until nothing is left but peace and the smell of ocean breeze wafting from the candles. 

“Feeling better?” 

“Mmh, yeah.”

It could be even better, though. 

“Could you… uh, maybe join me?” 

“Sure I can, what kind of question is that?” Billy replies. 

Steve hears the rustling of his clothes as he undresses, but he can’t bring himself to open his eyes.

Soon, Billy is behind him in the bathtub. Steve leans against his chest and Billy puts his arms around him. It’s a tight fit, but Steve’s never felt more comfortable. 

“Thank you… I don’t deserve all this.” 

“Shh.” Billy kisses the top of Steve’s head. “You deserve the world.” 

Steve was miserable less than an hour ago, and now, surrounded by Billy’s warmth and love, he feels better than he has in weeks. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Stevie.”

They fall silent again, and Billy starts drawing shapes on Steve’s chest. They stay like that until the water is completely cold, and their skin is all wrinkled. They go to bed directly after that, and Steve, feeling safe and content, immediately falls into a deep dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my Tumblr: https://lightsupinthenorth.tumblr.com/ you can request something if you want ;)


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